I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
