I hate your face
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
