I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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