It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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