Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
