Do you still have your period?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
