Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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