Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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