Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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