she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
