Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
