would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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