Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
