My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
