I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
