Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
