Yo dont text me then not text me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
