I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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