it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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