Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
