he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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