Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I AM VODKA MAN
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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