so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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