We named our party play list daddy issues
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
