haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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