question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
