it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
