My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
