i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
