she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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