Ambien. No doubt about it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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