So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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