what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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