where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
