My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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