last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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