We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize