We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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