Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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