This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
