Porn is love you can see.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
