Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
