how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Found your dick twin last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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