Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
