Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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