When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
