i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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