So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
