the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
