i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think my tv is drunk
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
