not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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