dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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