The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
