I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
