pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You took a bar mat shot.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
