I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
