My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
