i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
