We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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