hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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