Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
