Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
