Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
