I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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