she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
