I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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