Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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