New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She bit a glass in half.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
