So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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