i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
