It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
