Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
